I Did It

I finally told Josh that I didn't have the same feelings that he has for me. I did it over text. Which is probably more horrible than I'm thinking it is. But there was no way I would have been able to tell him in person. And if I did, then it would be awkward, because now he would know, but would we then continue to hang out? Or would it just be a really awkward conversation and then bye? I dunno. I'm just glad to have it off my chest. But I still feel horrible. This is what I sent him: "Hi Josh. I need to tell you before we meet again that while I'm flattered by your feelings for me, I don't see you in the same way. You're a great guy, and you don't deserve to be led on like that."
Is that okay?! Is that acceptable?! I'VE NEVER HAD TO DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS BEFORE. And then, do you want to know what he sent back? "Oh icic well thanks for letting me know:)" It took me a second to realize what the "icic" meant. And it kills me, because there's usually a minimum of 2 emoticons per text and I could tell in that text that he was hurt/sad. And it's killing me! I'm a horrible person. I feel kind of like this right now:

On the one hand, I'm free from that guilt of leading him on, but on the other hand, I feel horrible for hurting his feelings. Ugh. I don't know how girls deal with this all the time.

On a completely different note, I've been listening to Shane & Shane a lot recently. They're a Christian band and I really like them. I'm not exactly where I got their music from, probably from one of the times I air-dropped with people at camp. But really like their sound. I also recently found out about Lecrae, who is a Christian hip-hop artist. I've only listened to a couple of his songs, but I really like them. I really like the messages in his songs.

257. Are your friends mainly guys or girls?
Girls (and I apparently just destroyed my one guy friendship).