Under The Microscope

I just got my hair cut and I don't like it. I should have gotten layers like I have in the past. Over the weekend while at the core staff training weekend we talked about the things the devil might be trying to do in us and to drive us away from God. One of the thing we talked about was that we shouldn't try and impress other people and that's one of the ways the devil gets to us. I said I would try and not do that. I don't think I did that too much before, but them I remember all the time I say 'it doesn't matter' because I just want the person to be happy. I think that might be different though. But I know sometimes I would stand in front of the mirror in the morning for a while trying to think if my outfit worked. I'm not super fashionable, but I don't think I'm a bad dresser. But I would be trying to impress. I was looking in thee mirror at my hair and realized how ugly my knees are. And after I thought that I shouldn't be critizing myself because I am a beautiful young lady that has so much potential in life. I regret cutting my hair. I regret critizing myself because I know it is wrong. I was created in God's image. I'm sure at some point I'll regret telling you this but I'm trying to be more open and honest about things. I've just reread what I've written and it doesn't express what I'm feeling. I'm crying right now. I don't know what to do and I'm so confused. This is the first time ever my period has come early. I'm so stressed right now with school. I have a math test tomorrow which I think I should do good on. I'm just trying to think positive and work on praying everyday and trying to read the bible. We talked about summer goals at camp and two of them had to be spiritual. I'm happy they did that because I've never had a spiritual goal before and I think I will be good for me. Before when I tried reading the bible I just read it and thought that was good enough. Over the weekend I realized that wasn't enough and that I needed to actually absorb and think about what I was reading. I'd like to get a book about reading the bible and personal devotions. Over the weekend some of the people shares their testimonies. I have always loved hearing testimonies. Whenever I started to fall away from God I would think about their testimonies and remember just how amazing He is. They really help me better understand God. Although I think I've come to terms with the fact that I will never truely and fully understand Him. I need to go to bed now.