Give Me A Conversation Starter

I'm in a bit of a mood that I don't know how to describe. It's almost like I'm lonely, despite being around people. And not just being around them; I'm interacting with people. I even went out for coffee with friends today. Part of it probably has to do with the fact that I had pie for lunch (happy pi day). While it felt great at the time, my body was definitely craving some real food by the end of the afternoon. So I decided to make KD. Perhaps not my smartest decision, but we all live with regrets (I did have some spinach salad on the side though).
I think part of it is that how I interact with people has changed a lot over the past 4 years. I was always on the extreme introvert side. I didn't enjoy hanging out with people all the time. I would max out at one social event per week. Over the past 4 years though, I've become more comfortable in who I am and have moved from 'extreme introvert' to 'introvert' (maybe even veering into ambivert...but let's not complicate things). I enjoy hanging out with my friends more often and will even plan things myself (unheard of prior to high school expect for special occasions such as my birthday). Especially after my term abroad, I'm much better at communicating with friends and putting effort in on my end of things.
The point I'm trying to meander to here, is that I always relied on other people to initiate things. And not just for hanging out; I would wait for other people to start conversations. I would wait for other people to message me or reach out to me first. My conversation starting skills are on the lacking side and it is my long-formed habit to wait for other people to start the conversation.
Now, with most people, this is not a problem. People will choose a topic and I'll go along (I'm also a big fan of joining conversations that are already going). The same cannot be said for my roommate. She is also an introvert, and also tends to wait for other people to start conversations. Do you see where this is going? If you didn't know that we were friends and watched us in our apartment, you would think that we were strangers who got along well enough to live together peacefully. When we're at school or out in other places, or there are others around, we talk well enough. But as soon as we're in the apartment, there is hardly any conversation. Obviously, I'm not expecting that we talk all the time. But we hardly have casual conversations about stuff. For all of last term, we wouldn't say anything to each other in the morning as we ate breakfast. Sitting at the same table. Across from each other. That has changed slightly, because I started saying good morning when I emerged from my bedroom. Even then, she'll say it back, and we'll go on without saying anything else. We don't even say anything as we get ready to walk to school. We just watch each other and the clock, getting ready when we know the other is ready to go. It makes me a little sad, especially because in three weeks, I probably won't see her often at all.
And I know that there is an obvious answer to this problem: talk to her. Strike up a conversation. But this is where I'll ask you to recall my earlier point that my conversation starting skills leave something to be desired. Our devices definitely has something to do with it. About 90% of the time, one of us has our headphones in, which naturally prevents conversation. I had hoped that saying 'good morning' would be enough to get a chat going over breakfast, but to no avail. Maybe my goal this week will be to start a real conversation over breakfast. This will also help me in my goal to get out of bed at a decent time, since I've been pushing that to the closest I can get it to 9AM. Wish me luck.

Extremely Long Post Purely About Sherlock Season 4

I know I haven't 'fangirled' in a while, as I've tried to put that behind me and provide you with content that you might actually be interested in reading instead of me going "omg sherlock is the best show eva you defs need to watch it!" However, there are certain theories going around regarding Sherlock season 4 and I have to write about it. Here we go (hardly any but some minor spoilers, for those of you who haven't seen it yet).
Episode one of season 4 was The Six Thatchers (TST). A bit of an odd episode; a much different style compared to the rest of the show. And generally had some fishy stuff. The second episode, The Lying Detective (TLD), was amazing. It was back to the traditional Sherlock we know and have come to love. And left us on a big cliff hanger, as the writers are fond of doing. And then this past Sunday was the season finale: The Final Problem (TFP). There have been some rumours that this season would be the last season*, and the episode title seemed to echo that.
Going into this episode, I was expecting a lot. There were a lot of loose ends that needed to be tied up, and they only had 90mins to do it in. The people on tumblr have created countless theories explaining what we've seen so far, why TST was so wacky, and what they predicted would happen in TFP. It's amazing what these people come up with, but it's also an identifying factor of the fans, and the writers know that. One theory stood out from all the rest, and proposed that TFP would tell us something along the lines that TST and TLD never happened, they were a dream/result of drugged/other altered mind state/unreliable narrator.
I go to turn the TV on at 8:55pm, ready for the 9pm airing of TFP, only to find that for this episode, the show got a 'special time slot' and had actually aired at 7pm. I was crushed. I had so many questions that needed answers and now I wouldn't get them. Luckily, after some hunting I discovered that PBS had already posted the episode online. So I was still able to watch the episode (thank goodness).
The episode starts, and immediately we're off. I was sitting on the edge of my seat the entire time. I didn't know I could hold my breath for 90mins, but apparently I can. TFP is go-go-go throughout the entire episode. We're racing through this mystery that seems to never end and suddenly I think to myself, "they're running out of time. There's so much they need to go over still and they only have so much time left." I hardly give it a second thought, lest I miss something important. (You literally need to give Sherlock your undivided attention because it's definitely a blink-and-you'll-miss-one-line-that-the-rest-of-the-episode-rides-on situation).
The mystery ends, we're given a montage of life after the mystery, and the credits role. Immediately I'm furious. Absolutely none of my questions were answered. None of the theories the fans came up with were true (there have been some disturbingly accurate theories created before, so I've learned to take them just a bit seriously). The episode didn't even mention half the things we (the fans) were expecting it to. I'd even go so far as to say that TFP contradicts some of the previous episodes. And above all else, TFP was the most atypical episode of Sherlock that has ever been created. We thought TST was off; TFP was never 'on' to begin with. Not that I've seen these movies, but people are comparing it to Saw and James Bond.
I immediately go to tumblr to see what the fans are thinking. As expected, there is outrage, disappointment, even hate for the writers for ruining the show. But what I did not expect was a split: half the fans were against the episode and the other half loved it. They couldn't stop singing its praises! (There was also a small number of people, myself included, who wondered what this would do to the fandom, if we were so split over this episode). After some time went by, I began to see where the other side was coming from. It was a good episode: never before had I been so captivated by a single episode before; it was exciting and got my pulse racing; I felt the pain of the characters. The actors did a lovely job. But it still didn't feel right. It completely disregarded everything we had been shown up until this point. One fan put it beautifully:

Great story, wrong place and time.

Wow, I've rambled on and haven't even got to the main point yet. But what good story doesn't have a backstory? Here's my main point:

fans think there's another episode.

Wild, right? I thought, you're off your rocker. You just want to try and justify this mess of an episode by thinking there will magically be another episode to explain everything. There can't possibly be another episode. But over the past two days (TWO DAYS - Sherlock fans never cease to amaze me in how fast they can come up with things), the fans on tumblr have gathered enough tidbits and facts to make me think, there might actually be a secret episode! Now I'm not one to get my hopes up easily regarding things I'm invested in so much, but they have a compelling case:

To start, before any of season 4 aired, the writers said "If we pull this off, we'll make television history." "It's kind of groundbreaking, they've done something that's never been done before." "Love conquers all." And, if you happened to skip everything I've written up until this point, TFP was certainly not groundbreaking and it was most definitely not something that's never been done before. And in some people's opinions, love decidedly did not conquer all. This is their jumping point: all of these quotes make a lot more sense with a secret episode than with what we watched on Sunday.

The remaining points can be summed up as such:
- they raved about some music written for the show and we haven't heard it yet
- a mysterious deleted tweet from writer of said music
- the DVD isn't being released until the end of January (why wait unless there was something else coming?)
- TFP took twice as long to shoot as other episodes
- numerous scenes that were shot and we haven't seen yet
- they talk about 'the lost special' offhand sometimes
- a promo picture was leaked prematurely and was very quietly and seriously taken care of, but the ENTIRE EPISODE of TFP is leaked early and they tweet and write news articles about it and make no action to take them down
And perhaps my favourite point of all, in TLD Sherlock says, and I quote, "Must be something comforting about the number three. People always give up after three..."
The writers have been known to lie in order to keep Sherlock secrets, so I'm not even going to mention them denying another episode.

Now up until this point I was still skeptical. Yes, there's lots of things that could point to a fourth episode. But I've found that if you're grasping at straws, you'll tell yourself you've found what you are looking for. But then this happened:

There are reportedly 3 separate TV provider websites that have a fourth episode listed (I say reportedly because I only actually looked at one to check). 'Why not check the cable listings then?', you may be thinking, 'Surely that will give you your answer'. As always, the fans have thought of this. And this is what they found:

In Sherlock's supposed time slot, there is a new series called Apple Tree Yard (ATY) airing. Most people would have stopped there and said, 'ah well that settles it. No secret episode'. But Sherlock fans are not most people. I did a little digging myself even, and this is what I found. There is a trailer on youtube (only posted a couple of weeks ago...) for ATY with legitimate actors and storyline. It has an imdb page. It doesn't have a ton of information on it, but there's a list of cast and crew. It has a storyline, as all imdb entries do, but this one was written by BBC Media, whereas most summaries on imdb are written by users. Thus begins the fake show cover up theory.
It seems a little extravagant to make up an entire TV series to keep a secret. But as I said before, the writers are known for lying to keep Sherlock secrets. I was getting a little skeptical due to the amount of information I was finding about ATY. However, I bring you my biggest supporting point: if you google the actors in ATY, nothing pops up about them being in ATY, or even being in a new TV show. And it's not like these are nobody actors. Emily Watson is one of them, who is a well known actor, having been in The Theory of Everything and War Horse, among many others. Wouldn't news sites be writing about a new project staring such a big actress? Surely there would be at least one google result that talked about the upcoming ATY show airing in less than a week. (Some people have also gone so far as to mention that a apple tree wall decal shown in TST indicates that ATY is fake, because the writers love those kinds of connections).

One last point (I promise). TFP didn't end on a cliff hanger. Every single season finale of Sherlock ends on a cliffhanger. Some say this supports the idea that there won't be any more Sherlock. I'm adding it to the list of things that makes TFP abnormal.

I don't know what to think. I know what I want to think. I also don't want to be crushed come Sunday evening. If there is another episode, that would truly be groundbreaking and television history, as they've been saying.

I'll get back to you on Monday. Regardless of what happens, I will surely have lots of feelings to tell you about.

*This may or may not be true. As you may or may not know, Sherlock has a sporadic production schedule and is infamous for its notoriously long waits between seasons. This is primarily due to the fact that Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman have hit the big screen and just don't have the time to film Sherlock anymore. However, the entire cast and crew enjoys the show, enjoys making the show, and wants it to continue. It is just a tad difficult to make it happen. The writers have said nothing about season 5, other than the fact that they'd like for it to happen.

Can I lay by your side, next to you, and make sure you're all right?

(title from Lay Me Down by Sam Smith)

All I want is someone to look at me the way they look at each other.

(emotional rant to follow)

Something I've been struggling with recently is getting stressed with school work. I know that it's completely normal to be stressed about school, but it's not something I've really experienced before this year, so I don't know how to handle it. And occasionally I'll get so stressed that I can't even attempt to approach anything. There has been more than one occasion where I've cried myself to sleep because I'm so overwhelmed.
So far, nothing has actually failed to happen. I always manage to get myself together and finish what I need to finish. And in all of the "waves" I guess you could call them, of stress that I've had, I have made it through. But despite knowing this, I still get worked up about it. It doesn't help when it's group work and I can't control everything and know what's happening and when.
Something that I think is related to my stress is time passing. I have honestly never felt time pass so quickly in my life. This term is half over and I'm freaking out about that. I feel like I've done nothing over the past month. I keep thinking about how I spend my days. What did you do today? Everything I needed to (usually). I followed my routine. Well, that's great and all, but what did you do today? Nothing of any significance, that's for sure. I feel like my life is passing me by and I'm not doing anything. My weeks are the same, day in and day out. I have my routine down to such a specific schedule that I don't know what day it is. Maybe that's why time is passing so quickly. Because I've reduced each day to a schedule. I try and work things in. Especially over the weekend, I try to do something special. I yearn for contact with people, but once I have it all I can think about is the work I need to be doing.This weekend I did a lot of things, hanging out with friends and such. But it's still all gone already. Tomorrow the next week starts, and I'll go through the motions again. At least after this week, it's reading week and I can turn my brain off for a week.
As I'm writing this, I think that maybe I should forget my routine, and shake things up a bit. But I know that I wouldn't be able to handle not knowing when things are going to happen. Having a routine helps me plan how I'm going to do the things that aren't in my schedule. A routine is a definite must have. And now I sound like a magazine trying to claim that this year's colour is orange.
Well, this attempt at a distraction has been fun, and surprisingly revealing to myself about my thoughts. I don't know what you'll think of it, and I'm trying to tell myself that I don't care.
Never let Heather loose with her thoughts and a way to document them in the public eye.

Picking Things Up

Last night my mom said, "(cleaning lady's name) is coming tomorrow, so you need to be out of bed by 9:30 so that she can clean." I, of course, was none to happy with that. It's not even the getting up early part I have a problem with, its the having to make sure there's nothing on the floor so she can clean it. That's the annoying part. Especially since I still haven't finished putting everything away. Regardless, I was up at 9:30 and my floor was clear. Now, our cleaning lady is known to not always show up on time, so I wasn't surprised when she wasn't here at 10am. However, it is now after 1pm and she still hasn't shown up. So I'm guessing she's not coming. But then I realized, my mom hadn't left the cheque out for her like she usually does. So either, (cleaning lady's name) came so early I missed her or she's not coming today. I highly doubt she came earlier than usual, because I would've woken up from the vacuum running. So now I'm calling BS on (cleaning lady's name) coming today and my mom said that just to make me wake up at a decent time (which, contrary to popular belief, I do more often than not).

151. Tell us the story of your first kiss?
HAHAHAHA. Hahahaha. hahahaha.

Theo James

Something I read a while ago really annoyed me. Theo James, male lead actor in Divergent, gave an interview for the Cineplex magazine. He was talking about how the movie had some really deep characters and how it was about nature vs nurture and he was putting his philosophy training to work. I really appreciated the deeper analysis than the "OMG she loves him but he doesn't love her, or does he?" He says "....Essentially, it's a question of are you restricted to one way of thinking? And the answer, really, is no." I was thinking to myself, I really like Theo. And then, and then. The author of the article goes, and I quote, "It's heady stuff, but let's not forget Divergent is also an action-packed love story aiming to attract The Hunger Games' crowd and make stars out of both James and the film's lead, Shailene Woodley."
no
No
nO
NO
NO
NO
NO
NO THAT'S NOT WHAT IT'S ABOUT YOU IGNORANT WORM. THEO HAD IT RIGHT.

(Hey mom, do you recognize him? He was in an episode of Downton Abbey as Mr. Pamuk)

Thoughts

Thought numero uno: Giphy is like my favourite new website. It's just GIFs. Endless GIFs. It's beautiful. They even have a reaction GIF section and I just

Thought #2: I don't know if this it old news or not, but Brad Pitt fINALLY CUT HIS HAIR.

I'm not sure how I feel about the whole Macklemore look on him, but anything is better than the long hair he's been sporting since the beginning of forever.

Thought number 3: WHAT THE HELL DOES RUSSIA THINK THEY'RE DOING INVADING UKRAINE??? This could quite possibly lead to something bigger like  WWIII and I do not want that. No invading. Please.

Thought Num Four: this ever changing numbering system I've adapted is part homage to Margo Roth Speigleman and her Capitalization Equality (Paper Towns, John Green), part me being not myself, and part pissing me off because it is not me.

Thought Integer 5: Yo I got 85% on my econ midterm which is way better than I actually did because the prof bell curved the marks. I actually got 70%, which I'm still pretty happy with. I've done worse. (The class average was 49%. Out of 40, the highest mark was 31 and the lowest mark was 4.)

Thought Number Sei: I can't believe February is over already. On the other hand, that means it is now March and I will soon find out if I got the job at FCC. I CAN'T WAIT.

Thought # 7: I'm trying to watch all (well, most, really) of the Oscar nominated films before the Oscars happen, which I will be watching tomorrow evening. I even printed off a ballot card :) So far I've seen The Wolf of Wall Street, Her, Gravity, and American Hustle in the Best Picture category.  So far my favourite is Gravity. It was truly an amazing movie, I really liked it. I enjoyed Her as well. I wasn't a huge fan of American Hustle, which kind of disappointed me. I didn't end up finishing it. I'm going to watch 12 Years a Slave this evening. (I've also seen Frozen, Despicable Me 2, The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug, Start Trek Into Darkness and Iron Man 3 which are nominated in other categories).

Thought # Eight: I need to choose my courses for the fall term this week. Problem is I can't find the list of courses I'm required to take, so I don't even know how many electives I have to choose.

Thought number nove: I painted a Weeping Angel paint-by-number style and I really like how it turned out. Unfortunately for you, I'm such a lazy butt that you don't get a picture. At least not today.

Thought num 10: I should probably start reading one of 5 chapters I need to read this week but screw it it's the weekend I watched two hours of photoshop tutorials I'm going to do some fun reading.

au revoir

My Life: A Summary

- minimum of 5 hours of studying each day

    - 2.5 hrs each for econ and business (I'm doing a chapter a day; I thought it would take me 45mins to an hour for each chapter, since I'm just reviewing what I've already read, but it's been taking me at least two hours)

- doing an image for my bookwork assignment for my art class

- which never turns out how I imagine in my brain

- so that just depresses me

- cause my hands are not the artist my brain is

- lack of sleep

- second and third winds, preventing sleep when I can actually have it

- drowning my sorrows in tea and baked goods (Timmies has these really good red velvet muffins right now)

- I like tea better with sugar, I've discovered

- which, you would think, wouldn't be a big deal

- but it is because the caf has sugar

- and I don't. So now if I want tea with sugar, it has to be when the caf is open

- which is never when I feel like tea

- going on an awkward outing with a boy that likes me

- drinking bubble tea on said outing

- which, quite frankly, was disgusting

- the bubble tea, that is

- there's this kind of middle aged man that works at Renison, doing maintenance stuff and odd jobs and whenever I see him, I just smile. Cause he seems like one of those guys that would just be really great to hang out with, like he would always be happy

- tea/sugar update: I've stolen some sugar packages from the caf

- but they're sugar alternatives, so I'm sure it will not be as good

- listening to Coldplay's "Fix You"

- avoiding my 5 hours of studying by writing this post

-  oh I also forgot to mention the hour of photoshop tutorials I need to watch

- because heaven forbid I don't know how to use the eraser tool and I need to watch a 5 minute video on it

- complaining to the void (you guys) about my problems

- which are nothing compared to the problems in Africa, which were mentioned in this morning's service

- I'm sitting by a window and these two squirrels keep running back and forth

- two mid-terms, a presentation, three chapter readings, and an assignment all (due) on Friday

- residence weekend brunches are my fav meals of the week because they have baked beans and pastries

- eating said pastries despite the fact that I already had a muffin

- I forgot to mention earlier that the muffin I got from Timmies was fresh baked; that's the pro of being up early, they've just opened and so everything was still warm and soft and gooey on the inside

- listening to Coldplay's "The Scientist"

- this post is taking longer to write that I originally thought

- apparently my time judgement is just completely off these days

- I went to the bank

- but forgot it was Sunday and the morning

- so it was closed

- so I couldn't get the loonies I need for laundry

- so that will be interesting when laundry day comes around (Wednesdays)

- I read on the bus

- because that's the only time I can find to read

- and I've really missed reading

- my tea has gone cold because I've been too busy typing to drink it 

- strawberry danish and red velvet muffin down, bread pudding to go

- I was going to try and stop eating to much in the pathetic hopes that I would look half decent in my bathing suit next week

- but to hell with that

- speaking of next week

- I can't even get excited because I have so much stuff to do

- including packing for next week

- which I'm stressing out about

- cause I'll probably forget something important

- like my bathing suit

- and I'm going to have to haul it all to Stratford

- don't even get me started on Stratford right now

- I am just about done with that place

- more specifically the campus/courses/professors

- damn this is taking a long time; listening to Hunter Hayes' "Invisible"

- I just dropped a piece of my bread pudding -_-
- my skind is really dry
- like, never before in my life has my skin been this dry
- the skin over my knuckles is cracking and splitting
- it's not like I needed that skin anyways

- the LEGO Movie got 97% on Rotten Tomatoes

- which makes me really happy

- cause I want to see it

- but now I really want to see it

- just watched The LEGO Movie trailer

- here, you can too:

- yeah and now I'm basically just stalling to avoid work

- oh hey I can do my daily things

- (the squirrels just ran by again)

91. Best room for a fireplace?

a cold one?

Sherlock: Character everyone likes but you don't.

Probably Anderson. Everyone hated him up until season three, where he was the only one who believed in Sherlock. And I really liked learning more about him in this season. But I'm still not a huge fan though.

I'm sitting pretty on the throne / There's nothing more I want / Except to be alone

- The Love Club, Lorde